Practically in all world religions, betrayal was considered and is considered one of the worst sins: Judas betrayed Christ and forever remains the embodiment of apostasy. Practically in any legislation, treason is considered one of the most serious crimes against the state.Moral category, and betrayal refers precisely to these, it is very important for huge states, and for an individual - all appreciate devotion and despise treason. But if the best lawyers of the world and international and national courts are engaged in betrayal at the state level, betrayal in the family or simply in human relations really remains simply on the conscience (or dishonesty) of the one who decided to do so. Why can a person become a traitor, an apostate, an informer, a spy, that is, simply a traitor?Circumstances are very different: jealousy, jealousy, and fear, this may be fanaticism or greed, inability to hold a tongue, physical weakness or ordinary stupidity. It is probably impossible to list all the reasons that lead a person to betrayal, but the result is almost always the same - a loved one who has been left in trouble or without necessary help or treason. Which of these betrayals is more - betrayal of the Motherland, adultery or religious apostasy (the so-called apostasy)? Than this is measured - material loss or moral? How does a person become a traitor and what happens to his worldview? There is no justification for betrayal and betrayal (in any case, it was not found), but how to survive a person's betrayal, whether he violated his loyalty or did not fulfill his duty?
How to survive the betrayal of a loved one?
In ordinary life, people often face so-called "domestic" betrayal: abandoned loved ones, abandoned children, betrayal for the sake of material gain or career growth, indulgence to one's own or someone's whims ... Sometimes such betrayal seems small and insignificant (maybe not at all betrayal). But can treason be small and can there be a slight deceit of someone's hopes? Unfortunately, people often have to get acquainted with betrayal when they are young, and children experience betrayal much harder than the same events could be experienced by adults. With age and with the acquisition of life experience, a person is already much better versed in people, knows how to detach himself from some events or words, that is why reactions become different, and adults react to a much smaller number of events. However, at different ages people react to completely different words and deeds. What in childhood was perceived as a betrayal, an adult can simply leave without attention - every year lived changes many priorities and preferences. Although, if you look more closely, at any age a person sharply perceives the actions of friends, but the older the person becomes, the more selectively he refers to the concept of friendship and the less he is surrounded by people whom he calls true friends. But with age, love comes to the life of any person. And it is with love that a huge amount of betrayals and betrayals or what people consider treason and betrayal is connected, because often betrayal in everyday life, including in love, is imaginary, far-fetched. Someone from one pair incorrectly evaluates developing or established relations and therefore considers betrayal of some actions of one's partner, who completely differently perceives all relations and all events. For example, one of the couple is really in love and appreciates everything that is happening from this point of view, but the other partner simply allows himself to love or even lives side by side for some reasons that have nothing to do with love: close to work, do not have to pay for an apartment on your own, you can not engage in any economic affairs ... And where does the love? Accordingly, where is the betrayal? Probably much more honestly those couples come who immediately stipulate how and why they are going to live together or on what grounds their relationships are built, because in that case there is no room for illusions and wrong assessments in the relationship. After all, if a person does not like and does not intend to take on any obligations and remain faithful, then in such relations and betrayal there is no place. However, many often prefer to deceive, building air locks. But sometimes with betrayal one has to face those couples whose relationships were built, it would seem, on love. As a result, families are falling apart, children are left abandoned, disabled people can remain without the necessary support ... Are people who were previously close, dear, loved loved? Yes, you can justify the betrayer by the fact that he did not plan to do so, that the circumstances turned out to be stronger, that the person is inherently weak, that he simply did not have the strength and courage to speak honestly and frankly that some actions are done under the influence of minute sentiments and generally thoughtlessly ...
But does betrayal cease to be a betrayal, even if all this is so? And will it be easier for the one whom they betrayed? Yes, you can say that you need to be more careful and discerning, that you need to be more alert, that everyone builds a relationship at their discretion and presentation ... But will it be easier? How to survive the betrayal of a man who seemed a reliable support, which was perceived as something unshakable and permanent, that he believed and who was not just one but the only one?
Probably, it would not hurt to first try to find out what really happened. Maybe, there was no love either - at least from the betrayed side. Then there is no betrayal, but just ended the relationship, which one of the parties were built on completely different grounds. But if the clarifications become too prolonged, painful or painful, then it is more correct not to find out the reasons for the already accomplished action and the perfect deed, but simply accept it as a fact, as something accomplished and not subject to return back. Forgive the betrayer? But to forgive betrayal is very difficult, if possible at all. Guided by the rule of showing tolerance for other people's mistakes? But if this "mistake" destroyed a huge part of the world, hurt the soul, undermined the confidence in others? How to live on and how to build new relationships with people? In psychology in such cases, it is recommended to use the technique of coping (man's actions that help to cope with stress), according to which from all that has happened it is necessary to learn life experience, so that on another occasion you do not all step on the same rake. If it seems that the betrayer is still dear and needed, then it is necessary to think carefully about whether this is really so. And if the answer is positive, you can try to try to build relationships with this person again, really considering all of its shortcomings and not building any illusions. But if the pain of betrayal is too strong and it is impossible to forget what has happened, then it will be very difficult to continue the relationship, if possible at all, so do not try. It is absolutely unacceptable to cultivate an offense, feel sorry for oneself, cultivate a sense of own guilt for what happened, which as a result may well lead to a depressive state and to many other troubles. But also pretend that nothing serious has happened, too, is not worth it, because the "hidden" grudge has not gone away and will corrode a person from the inside for a long time.
How to survive the pain of betrayal?
When a person encounters betrayal, he always has a question whether it was possible to avoid it, because if there was no betrayal, there would be no pain, no experience, and no torment ... Of course, one can avoid betrayal. But the question is: is a person ready to pay the price that guarantees that there will be no betrayal? And this price is life without close people, without friends and without loved ones, without confidential conversations, without common joys and sorrows, without trust in people. That's right: if a person does not trust anyone, then no one will betray him. But who in this case will trust him? When a person is born, he learns to trust others and build relationships with them based on trust. And only the experience of betrayal, which has not been reconciled, teaches a person not to trust anyone, condemning him to the life of a loner. It turns out that the opportunity to be friends and love and respond to this reciprocity has the opposite side - the risk of being faithful and experiencing all the bitterness of abandonment and loneliness. Whether to go to this risk? This decision is very individual, which is based on the life experience of everyone, and on moral and moral qualities, including on the ability and readiness to forgive. However, everyone understands perfectly well that no words and no explanations can neutralize or even significantly alleviate the blow inflicted on the betrayal of a loved one. Although, on the other hand, strangers, strangers, remote people can not betray and can not, because they are far from the inner world of man, from his secrets and painful points. No wonder they say that the most painful blows are inflicted by the closest people. Betrayal often forces us to reconsider vital priorities, life values and even life plans. And if not only a close but beloved person betrays, then it seems to many that the sky fell on his head, that life has stopped, that nothing good will ever happen again. But in reality the sky remained in its rightful place and life still continues. It is said that the Lord never sends a man more trials than a man can bear. Hence, we must survive and betrayal, regarding it as another test. "And it will pass" - this was written on the ring of King Solomon, and in fact everything passes: first, the sharpness of perception is lost, and then, albeit very gradually, new deeds and impressions close the old life and former pain. Undoubtedly, many things will be changed and experienced, but the most important is not only to suffer inconsolably, but to do everything possible to realize these unpleasant (and even destructive) feelings and leave them as soon as possible in the past. To survive the pain of betrayal, first of all, it is necessary to realize what really happened, that is not the very fact, but the cause of what happened. Why did a loved one betray? Maybe the relationship has long exhausted itself and kept only on the habit? And there are many more such "maybe". But if the person who used to be close and dear, actually turned out to be faint-hearted and incompetent to keep his word, it is still worth considering an unpleasant, but very likely option: it's good that what happened happened, because to live with a potential traitor who can in any the moment to "hit in the back", even worse. Life constantly presents the person with lessons, and the betrayal of one's neighbor is one of them. And now it is important to learn from this lesson the maximum benefit: to learn to observe, draw conclusions, evaluate not only words, but also real actions ... In order to overcome the pain of betrayal as quickly and easily as possible, it is necessary (yes, really necessary) to agree that the survivor of betrayal a person has the right to weakness, and should not behave like a staunch tin soldier. Of course, everyone remembers that any trials must be transferred without losing face, but in the case of betrayal, you can both quarrel and cry and bang a couple of plates or wedding glasses, chop up any shredder photos, throw away gifts and remove contacts in social networks ... It seems like a hysterical? If this does not take on a protracted character, then it is not so terrible - emotions need to be thrown out, then to return to normal life. Yes, this life will be something different from the previous one (and most likely, to many), but there will be no betrayal in it, and it's worth a lot. Are the wedding glasses over? All the joint photos turned into dust? Now it is possible and necessary (vital) to restore mental equilibrium.
Need faster and as painless as possible to survive the betrayal? So, it is necessary to understand that life continues: friends and colleagues are left, work or study remains, music, hobby, delicious khachapuri, apples and salad of seafood are left, Formula 1 remains, favorite detectives are in place, and even the absolutely unpretentious computer "Kadyke" is nowhere not gone. Neighbors are still clapping the door loudly, my mother still forgets to call back, the cat is still biting fluffy asparagus ... Just one significant risk was less - that's all.
How to survive betrayal? Yes, this is a real blow and a very strong impression, which caused a storm of strong emotions. But it has long been known that some impressions can be superseded by others, so it is necessary (in this case, really necessary) to find new experiences and emotions. A cinema, a theatrical premiere, a football match, a karate section, a puppy or kitten training, learning to play the violin or a drum kit, a new project at work, learning the Japanese language is absolutely everything. New people, new occupations, new impressions will gradually supersede the past, even the most painful. And to resurrect the ghosts of past events is not worth it, because we need to live now, not yesterday, and dreaming only makes sense about the future, but not about the past (unless in the course went to historical restorations). And more: to survive the pain of betrayal, you just need to forgive and let go of the traitor. This is not easy, but it is necessary. After all, who said that the betrayer is easy and peaceful? Let us recall Judas, thirty pieces of silver, an aspen tree at the end of the path ... Of course, not all traitors choose this finale for themselves, but nothing will save them from the court of conscience. And in the end, the traitor will always be heavier, because to forgive yourself your own unseemly (to put it mildly) acts is much more difficult than forgiving someone else ... Forgive. Let go in peace. Agree to the fact that everyone builds a blossoming life in their own way. And go on life further. And only so! Life continues.
Tips of a psychologist: how quickly to survive the betrayal of a loved one
Sometimes the betrayal of someone close is the reason for visiting the office of a psychologist or psychotherapist. Certainly, the doctor after a thorough conversation (and even not one) will give certain recommendations on how quickly and painlessly to survive this extremely unpleasant situation, which sometimes seems simply tragic.
First of all, the psychologist will advise you to throw out negative emotions without touching other people. You can cry. You can complain to your friends on social networks. You can do physical work or exercise. You can immerse yourself in your duties or in public activities ... There are many options for emotional unloading, but the main thing is to return the ability to think rationally and make correct and adequate decisions.
Any psychologist will undoubtedly express a very important and serious warning - even under the influence of the strongest emotions one should not act in accordance with erroneous and dangerous stereotypes that are quite capable of ruining the life so that one does not have to think about betrayal. You can not sink into your suffering, and even worse - to cherish and aggravate them artificially. The most important rule, which must be remembered in any complex, unpleasant or even tragic situation, is a firm "no" to any alcohol. The fact that a drunk person looks at the worst is pitiful, but more often disgusting, I do not even want to speak, since this has been said about a myriad of times. In addition, uncontrolled use of alcohol (under any pretext) can lead to alcoholism, which often turns out to be one way ticket - getting out of the embrace of the green snake is incommensurably more difficult than getting into these embraces. But that's not all. The saddest thing in the situation with alcohol is that neither vodka, brandy, beer, nor any other liquor solve the problem, but only aggravate it, while adding more and more troubles. Of course, the psychologist will also warn about the danger that can cause a desire to avenge his pain to the whole world, no matter how this rest of the world is involved in a difficult situation. The betrayer may well not be aware of the accomplished "exploits", but how many will undeservedly be offended? But there is often a temptation to spoil life for all who turn up by the hand ... This is not just not the best idea, but the idea is absolutely wrong and extremely dangerous, because it is so possible to lose all close people, including friends and friends. The world is not to blame for the fact that there is no perfection, but in the world not only losses and sufferings are possible - it is quite possible that new meetings, new love, and new joys are also possible. It is very important not to focus on your troubles, even if they seem simply universal, because the universe continues to live on. Stars and planets are also spinning, rivers are also flowing and glaciers are melting, children are still born and all new couples fall in love with each other. And in the same way, help is needed not only by someone alone, because it turns out that betrayal of even the closest person is not the greatest grief in the world where there are earthquakes and floods, environmental disasters and wars. Maybe it's worth looking at the surrounding reality a little more closely and finding an application, for example, in helping the wounded on the battlefield or in helping sick children? Sometimes a psychologist can advise you to have a "Diary of Happiness", in which it is necessary to bring all the good things that happened during the day. A rainbow, an interesting film, a playful kitten playing on the lawn - all of life consists of such trifles, and it is from them that happiness develops. Of course, any psychologist will strongly recommend the inclusion of positive thinking: do not think about your losses and misfortunes, but rather agree with the well-known truth that each "plus" consists of two "minuses", so the "pluses" must always be looked for and in everything . The betrayers are "minus", but there is no more traitor next to it, and this is a "plus". The weather is good, the salary has been raised (or even simply promised), a party in college or at work was a success - these are small or even tiny "pluses" on which you should concentrate so as not to feel yourself the embodiment of universal sorrow and grief. Certainly, in an individual conversation the psychologist will be able to give many other tips, which, in practice, one can get rid of a sense of lostness, despair and other apocalyptic impressions.
When a person is born, he does not know anything about love, hatred, loyalty, or betrayal. Then the person will learn to smile, walk, talk, believe and trust. And so you do not want people to lose faith in others, so that the world turns from colorful and warm into black and white and cold. But you have to pay for everything in life, and money is the simplest and most painless form of payment. Often you have to pay with your emotions, habits, attachments, friendship, love, loyalty ... It's hard, it's very difficult and difficult. But after all, behind any black cloud, a bright and warm sun hides, which always looks out. But life is infinite, and therefore the end of something one means the beginning of something next. How to survive betrayal? Yes, just to live. Live, helping others, raising children, growing cactuses on the window-sill and training a cheerful puppy, building plans for the summer and visiting the pool or gym ... In life there should not be a place of despair, even if suddenly it seems that everything has ended and everything is lost, because life is wise and beautiful even in its complexity and because life is infinite and inexhaustible.