The most important thing is the weather in the house

Psychological injuries can be as dangerous as physical injuries. Alas, we can not exclude them from the lives of children. We can only support the child and help him survive the negative events, To the effect of injury was not so destructive.

Without exaggeration, we can say that a child's psychological trauma is able to have a negative impact on a person's entire life. In early childhood, the foundations of character, relations with people are laid, life attitudes are formed. And all this, of course, under the influence of different situations, the atmosphere in which a child grows. Adult people, describing their problems, often themselves realize that "I have such things since childhood" - although they do not always remember where "this" started. "It's just physically unpleasant when someone walks or sits behind me. Even at work, I try to avoid such situations "; "I've always been very disturbing. If in the evening someone from home is not at home, I can not find a place for myself "; "I could never speak to the public. Blush, sweat, stammer - and I'm afraid that everyone is paying attention to this. " The cause, or rather the trigger mechanism of such problems, is always psychological trauma. They direct development according to the neurotic type. For example, a child can constantly experience fear. Fear that a fire will start, that the dog will bite, that he will fall ill with some terrible disease. Of course, such experiences affect the general condition of the child. He hardly falls asleep, often wakes up in the middle of the night, and in the morning when he has to get up and go to the kindergarten, he feels tired. Over time, these children begin to get a headache, there are pain in the heart, disorders in the work of the stomach and intestines. This further weakens the body and further increases fear. There is a vicious circle.

A neurotic disorder can detect itself not only by fear. There is a neurosis of compulsive states. It is manifested by the fact that the child becomes hypochondriac, constantly afraid of doing something wrong. The behavior of these children is apparently very "grown-up": they do not joke, they do not laugh, as if constantly monitoring their behavior. Neurasthenia is a painful overstrain of the child's psycho-physiological capabilities when he feels that he can not meet the requirements of others. Such children constantly experience stiffness, tension, are annoyed over little things, get tired even in the usual conditions of a home and kindergarten. Hysterical neurosis manifests itself with excessive capriciousness - when a child arranges scenes to attract attention, behaves in such a way that the parents of compulsion are engaged only in them. Nastya is not eating well. This is known to everyone who somehow communicates with the family. And although with the development of the girl is all right, parents just do not know how to accustom her to eat normally. Every breakfast, lunch and dinner is a real torture. Persuasion, games, warnings ("Here's one girl did not eat - and remained small") do not lead to anything. Even neighboring children were attracted to show how normal boys and girls eat. But Nastya still does not eat well, because in fact it is her salvation. Only in this way did she get the attention of her mother, who early and without special preparation gave the girl to the nurse's care. A child needs very little to learn how to influence his parents. But, having achieved his, to give up such behavior he can no longer. It becomes a habit, a way of life, and then a part of the personality.

How did it all start?

Probably from something very unpleasant and painful for a child. But it's not so easy to find out where. Traumatic events are determined not only by what happened, but by many other factors. Parental divorce: objectively, this event is considered traumatic for the child. But if the divorce is happening peacefully, the child was correctly explained the essence of the matter, after the separation both parents actively participate in his life, then it will be much easier to survive all this. But such an event as a vacation, it would seem, is traumatizing can not be. However ... The child is about three years old. Mom all this time was engaged only in them and at last recently could send in a kindergarten. Together with her husband they decide that now it is possible to rest, and they entrust the kid to grandmothers. Returning, they do not believe their eyes. The child constantly cries, begs for his hands, and is capricious. He does not go to the kindergarten for a week - the temperature rises, then indigestion. "It's his grandmothers spoiled," parents decide, "you can not trust anyone." In fact, this parental rest was too hard a test for the child. Why? Because the child just experienced one stress (going to kindergarten) and did not have time to adapt to it. Because until this time I never stayed so long without my mother. Because the departure of parents for a small child is a completely incomprehensible phenomenon, frightening and uncertain in time. This is for an adult person 2-3 weeks fly by quickly, and for a small child they are felt as a very long period and difficult to grasp. In addition, it is one thing when a grandmother, left with a child, says that the parents have left on very important matters and will soon arrive with gifts. Another - if it explains for disciplinary purposes: "You will not clean toys - parents will not come. They'll find another boy for themselves. " The grandmother will forget about her threats in an hour, but the child will remember them for a long time. Children after all believe in adults and often it is from this suffer.

Degree of severity

This, too, can not be known for sure. All children are different - with their own temperament, physical and mental health. Children with a strong type of nervous system are more likely to experience stress, but they are not insured either. Severe traumas (the child witnessed an accident, got into a catastrophe) also act on them. Children with a weak type of nervous system, which since childhood are sensitive, vulnerable, sensitive to external stimuli, suffer from events that are objectively less severe. "When I was a child, my mother and I went to the sea. To get tickets back, I had to stand at the airport in a huge queue all day. It was hot, stuffy, people all around. One elderly woman suddenly felt sick - she swayed and began to fall on others. It turned out that she had a sick heart, she was helped to get the pills, and it ended well. Since then, almost 30 years have passed, but as soon as I find myself in a crowd of people, I start to fear that I will fall. I'm all right with my heart, and there was never a faint, but from the fear that something will happen to me right now, it just turns dark in my eyes. Recently I was with the children in the theater, so after the performance I forced them to sit in the hall until the crowd from the wardrobe would disperse. In my opinion, I even frightened them ... "Overwork, incorrect nutrition (with disturbances of the regime, lack of vitamins) and any diseases - even a common cold can aggravate the severity of the psychological trauma. All this weakens the child and, therefore, makes it more vulnerable.

Long-acting injury

Parents should know that injury is not necessarily a specific event. There is a traumatic situation, there is a situation of prolonged traumatism. If the family is constantly, from day to day, there are scandals or even petty quarrels, adults are intolerant of each other, there is no warmth, then this can act as one permanent traumatic factor. Even though the family, according to generally accepted standards, is quite healthy and full-fledged. And this is probably the most difficult situation. Firstly, because it is almost impossible to change the entire atmosphere of the family. Secondly, adults often do not understand that something needs to be changed, they do not realize that the situation for the child is painful. Yulin Pope left for a long business trip. He calls, writes and constantly communicates with the family via the Internet. But for the time of his absence, his grandmother came to visit - to talk with his daughter and granddaughter. Grandmother of her son-in-law can not stand. "Is a normal person able to leave the family for two years? His career is more expensive than you. He never loved you. " In general, Julia learned a lot about her dad and even herself - because it turned out that she inherited all the bad qualities (even the inability to put the dolls in place) from him. She also learned that Mom had the opportunity to organize her life much better, not to burden herself with a child so early. I would have learned even more if I had not once told all my discoveries to my dad. He asked the mother-in-law for the phone, and ... literally the next day, that urgently needed to return home.

Insults of parents against each other, jealousy, suspicion - all this is reflected in their behavior in the family, changes the overall situation. What do children experience? While they can not say this, they do not know the words "tension", "anxiety", "stress." We must be able to see this ourselves.

What complaints?

"Everything seems to be fine," says the grandmother of the six-year-old Ilya, who after the birth of twin sisters was almost completely transferred to her for education, only he became ... not like a child. He asks for a toy, rejoices at it, and then immediately ceases to play, puts it on the shelf, as in a collection, and wipes dust from it himself. " All is correct: this is how the child tries to cope with his problems. After all, careful attitude to things is an attempt to tie something to yourself, to provide a sense of security. Although behavior can be, on the contrary, destructive, impulsive - the child by his actions attracts attention, requests the participation of adults.

One way or another, and the main sign of injury - changes that are not related to growth and development. Often children become sad, indifferent, lose their spontaneity and liveliness. Everything that seemed ridiculous, now causes only a brief smile, everything that fascinated, now left without attention.

At the next stage, the child may have difficulty falling asleep, irritability, memory disturbances (he memorized the rhyme from one time, and now can learn all day long), the general difficulties with learning. All comments like "What is it! You have become completely different! "Only aggravate the situation.

Understand and help

Look at the life of your family through the eyes of a child. This exercise is useful: for 10 minutes on behalf of the child, tell everything about your family - only honestly and frankly - and write down everything that you do not like in the behavior of adults. Usually such a list begins with the small things: "Do not give to eat ice cream in the morning", "Do not buy a real dog", but gradually you can get to the bottom of the truth. After all, often parents in the depths of their soul understand what the problem is, but hide or are afraid to admit even to themselves. If the cause of the injury is a specific event, it is better to talk immediately with the child himself. Without asking questions, "What do you think about this?", "You must be very worried that it happened", but simply talking. In general, the more a child talks about his feelings, the better. And he will - if he understands that you are not at all angry for his frankness and there is nothing forbidden in the subject. This contact will be a reliable protection against unnecessary anxieties and fears. Read the child tales - the most diverse, all countries and peoples. Often it is in fairy tales that we find the answer to the question "How to be in this situation?" And we get the confidence that everything will be fine. Sometimes children who survive a trauma show affection for the same fairy tale, story. Most likely, it contains the topic, which now worries him. Drawing and modeling - any creativity or expression of feelings and moods also helps. But the main thing is to ensure that the child is confident that he is surrounded by loving people, that, despite difficult situations, there is always more good in the world than bad. Then unpleasant situations, injuries will not have such negative consequences. On the contrary, they will contribute to an adequate perception of the world.

Read also:

  • "And then Baba Yaga will take ..."
  • Bad behavior: who is to blame?
  • Urgently requires tenderness