Question to the psychologist: how to explain to the

Recently, the former husband is giving less time to our common children, referring to work. I know his colleagues, almost all excuses - not true. My daughters began to ask me: "Why does my father rarely come? He does not like us anymore? "I say that he loves me very much, but it turns out that my words differ from his actions. How to be?

The questions your daughters ask are of concern to so many children who are faced with the divorce of their parents. Even after hearing once an explanation of the situation, they will again and again ask: "Does Papa love me? Why does not he live with us more? And will not my mother leave me? Is it my fault that happened? "It is important that the answers to these questions instill in the child the certainty that mom and dad will always love him. And the first thing you need to try to do is again to discuss with the former spouse the agreements reached during the divorce. Much of what you write requires clarification: are changes in the frequency of visits of children to your ex-husband related to changes in his personal life? Or are your agreements with him insufficiently clear and you understand them in different ways? It is important to agree a clear and accurate schedule of communication with children, taking into account the real life circumstances of each of you. Perhaps, it will be more convenient for the pope to see the girls at home - this also requires discussion. Explain to your ex-husband that you need clarity in these issues for both of you, so that there will not be any difficulties and misunderstandings that may interfere with your common task - caring for daughters.

It is known that the divorce of parents is traumatic for the child not in itself, but in two cases: either in the situation of termination of communication with one of the parents, or in the case when the child turns out to be an involuntary participant in the conflict between them. Almost always, the termination of the child's communication with the father after the parents' divorce leads to traumatic experiences. But for girls, the relationship with the father is also the formation of the idea of ​​one's own femininity, of unconditional love on the part of the man. I must say that it is not so much the frequency of visits that is important for a child as the implementation of agreements. If the father does not have the opportunity to see girls often, you can discuss the possibility of their communication, for example, by phone. Even in situations of residence in different cities, there is the opportunity to preserve child-parent relations that are of great importance for the child.

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