Jokes about mother-in-law and son-in-law are the funniest of family topics. But in life it's not so fun. Or open conflict, or confrontation, or tense neutrality. We need to figure it out, otherwise it will be like this: "My dear, my mother will stay with us for a while. Maybe we should take her somewhere? "-" Yes, I've taken it many times, it always comes back. "
Now, it would seem, why should they be at enmity? In the kitchen, they do not collide, observations on which side to interfere with soup, do not do to each other. Jealousy - such as that of the mother-in-law to the daughter-in-law, also does not. Why does not it live peacefully? The answers to this question are the most unexpected.
For example, such. Mother-in-law and son-in-law are initially set on enmity to ... avoid love. After all, who is this mother-in-law? This is a woman who in some ways is very similar to his wife, but older and more experienced. In addition, her sexuality is at the same level as her husband's daughter (men have a peak of 20-25 years, women - at 40). Plus, everything is always next to it on quite legitimate grounds. In traditional cultures, possible misunderstandings were suppressed at once: mother-in-law had the right to visit the daughter's family only on established holidays from the moment of the wedding. In our country, enmity has become stronger as a protective tradition.
And here's another point of view. The man who creates the family is in unnatural conditions for him. Consciously, he wants to be an exemplary family man, but unconsciously breaks free. In such conditions, he constantly accumulates irritation, which he must somewhere to splash out. And he chooses his wife's mother - again because of her similarity with his wife and due to the relative safety (the wife can leave, deprive her of the usual conditions). It is important for most families to know not the underlying causes of the conflict, but specific actions to remedy the situation. What to do with each particular mother-in-law in each specific case?Mother-in-law "big mommy"
At the wedding, she said with tears in her eyes: "Well, what happiness, now I have a son." You thought that this was the scenario ... But no - she really took under the wing all your family. And I took it firmly. In the morning - with pies, in the evening - with borsch. And the repair of small ones will do, and you will plan your vacation, and all the mustard plots will be delivered. True, she can work and have her own family. Then direct participation will be slightly less, but still you feel every minute: she is somewhere near. Who should attend birth? What kind of question - of course, my mother. Who will help with the baby for the first time? Even funny to think. The danger of such a mother-in-law is not immediately apparent, at first it seems just an angel in an apron. But, in fact, it is already doing its dark thing - it drives out the man from his rightful place. My wife is so used to living with my mother in a single community, that communication with her husband will inevitably weaken. Contrary to the ideas, it is these "ideal" mother-in-laws that can destroy a marriage. They violate the structure of the family, confuse maternal and paternal duties. What to do with the "big mommy"? Separate - as quickly as possible. And this is the duty of the wife. She must interrupt too emotional relationships with her mother, even if she was always the best friend. Mom may be offended. It's okay - a little time will pass, everyone will get used to the new state of affairs and people. Mom (who is now also a mother-in-law) should feel that now she is not part of the family, but just a relative.Teacher-teacher
She knows for sure that without you, you have a complete mess. Both in a relationship and in the kitchen. And from time to time comes to check, correct and tell what to do next. "I came to see how you are living," she said from the threshold, and it is already clear from the tone of her voice that you do not live very much ... Relationships will be formed depending on how long she comes. If not for long, you can perceive this as a game. If the visit is delayed, everything becomes burdensome. And small comments, and questions, and the need to constantly demonstrate that, if she did not come now, everything would be lost. But still, this mother-in-law can be called ideal. Her desire to help and be necessary is quite natural, it is peculiar to all mothers at any age. Its energy is controllable, and if you prepare a list of what you "do not manage at all" in advance, she will be happy. And even if nothing of this is going to do. If the relationship between his mother-in-law and his son-in-law does not add up, most likely, he himself is to blame. That is his character. So, for example, men who in their childhood were in a tense relationship with their own mother, did not see love, warmth on her part, in adulthood can not stand the mother of his wife. Sometimes it's just generally forbidden to appear in your home. A legislative way to change this does not work out - there will be a big scandal. But the requests are perceived much better. Sometimes only after five to ten years there is a radical change in the relationship, and the son-in-law begins to take better care of his mother-in-law. She even offers tea.Mother-in-law "storyteller"
She was so fond of telling her story to her daughter that she can not stop now. "You know, I saw your husband yesterday. He went out with a bouquet of flowers from the store. He gave it to you? No? So it is necessary to find out to whom. " Then it turns out that she did not even see her husband, just a similar coat, but all the same "he always did not trust him". What does it all end with? The fact that her daughter quarrels with her husband, and her mother calms her down. Tales can be on a variety of topics, but in all the red thread is the theme "men are bad, and your husband - especially." "You talk to him, is it really the case - so late to come home from work?", "How much you can spend on his relatives, you have your own family." In common speech, this is called naskkivat. The husband, of course, begins to understand why immediately after talking with his mother, his wife has so many complaints and bad mood. Naturally, he treats her with hostility and does not even hide it. And it is he who looks bad in this story, and his mother-in-law, as it were, had nothing to do with it. She is from good motives. She is one of the most dangerous types of mother-in-law. And it must be fought with. Hard methods and male force of persuasion. It is the son-in-law who must speak frankly and stop all manipulations on her part. After all, my daughter, most likely, is very obedient (that's why my mother continues to educate her), and she will not be able to settle the relationship herself. Although, if she repeatedly makes it clear that all this is not interesting to her and that she will not give her husband anything, it will help in the harmonization of relations.Cheerleader superbubuschaya
Her daughter and her son-in-law are not particularly interested. Since the birth of her grandchildren, she is ready to give them all their time and energy. She can move to another city, she can quit her job. On the one hand, it's not bad, because you do not have to worry about children, on the other - sometimes there is a feeling that she wants to just replace you. And partly this is true. These super grandmothers are often those women who, as mothers, missed a lot. Now catching up, trying to become a mother and her daughter, and her children. "No, no, we never walk in such cold, Misha always starts coughing after this," "Who invented this - to teach the child to roll on rollers at that age?" She says, making it clear that you do not understand anything at all in the care of children, nor in upbringing. She does not, of course, set up children against the parents. But deep down he rejoices when his grandchildren mistakenly call her mother. Acts accordingly. Conflicts with the son-in-law begin, it would seem, with trifles, but are very serious. - What do you have with your fingernails? "My grandmother polished them." She says that even Pushkin did so. He said: "You can be a sensible person and think about the beauty of nails." "Grandmother?" And she did not say, what do boys call polished nails now? Then the observations will follow the grandmother herself, and she, of course, will not agree and will say that he himself (that is, son-in-law), apparently, did not bring up at all. And he will take offense at his mother and hint at the faults of his wife, in which she, mother-in-law, is to blame. Then the wife will be drawn into the conversation. So, word for word, everyone quarreled. But the son-in-law will be guilty. And because the first one started, and because the mother-in-law will show more offense (she is a woman!), And because he also "upsets the child." Often in such families there is a whole ritual. The mother-in-law is crying, her daughter calms, explains her husband's behavior and her (mother-in-law) irreplaceability. Then the mother-in-law calls his friends, everyone discusses the son-in-law's disgusting act and calms down a little. This can last for years, and can be interrupted at one time. Leaving his mother-in-law's family or leaving his son-in-law's family. There is an expression: "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." It turns out to be fair even on a single house scale. Through the child it is very easy to achieve their goals. To avoid super-impact, one should not allow the situation of constant education of mother-in-law children. And even the expressions "our mother-in-law educates" avoid, replacing it with "mother-in-law helps". That is, the main figures in education should be parents. Their opinion is the main thing, their decision is the law. The mother-in-law simply helps.Mother-in-law is a "poor relative"
She always has something terrible or terrible, she does not know how to live. If all of a sudden things get better in business, then there will be trouble with health. At the same time, her character is complaisant and quite peaceful, and she wants to say: "Mom, move to us, everyone will be better." Do not do this - it will not be better. The reason for this behavior is that a person does not have enough attention, studies, and in general he does not know how to live alone. Actually, and health problems, and all sorts of troubles - a way to attract the attention of his daughter and son-in-law. In part, this happens unconsciously, in part - quite consciously. "Yes, I understand, I'm not your mother, what do you care for me?" She says to her son-in-law, if she knows that he is a person inclined to guilt. In general, a mother-in-law of this kind is very perceptive and knows who and where to press. Of course, over time, there is irritation, turning into a feeling of "how she got me." If the daughter is completely on the side of her mother and sincerely believes that she needs constant, round-the-clock help, her son-in-law will not be envious. It will not be necessary to swear (such mother-in-law does not create open conflicts), but it is simply obliged to be always ready for some important business. What to do? Calmly, confidently and patiently explain that the breakdown of the dishwasher is not something for which it is worth calling a son-in-law from a meeting. Assure that everything will be fine. It would be nice to create a problem for her, for example, to give a dog. In the sign of attention this type of mother-in-law needs more than others. Provide them - when there is time. Calls, small gifts, services. Then you can periodically say "No, today I can not" with a clear conscience.Read on this topic:
- What will change after the birth of the baby?