There is a huge amount of advice on how to behave with disobedient children. We offer you a guide on how to get along with their ill-bred, "all-knowing", and sometimes rather aggressive moms. The gallery of psychological portraits was presented by Taisia Fedoseyeva.
Psychologists distinguish several psychotypes of mothers with different types of behavior. Calm, balanced mother is a kind of standard of motherhood. Her child grows in an atmosphere of kindness and benevolence, she is always ready to help him, but she will never be too intrusive. However, there are other types of mothers: always competing, whose child is better; "All-knowing", absolutely confident in their own rightness and not wishing to listen to the advice of others; scattered moms, and also mummies, completely fixated only on their own child. Sometimes it is difficult to manage such women. But we will help you better understand them, and therefore, and learn how to communicate with them.Type 1
A "competing" mom. Everything that your baby can do, her child does much better and faster. It seems that the same girl who at the institute has always tried to find out what grade you took in the exam, and if she was below her own, she was necessarily bragging about it.
How to behave Think about why this woman behaves this way. After all, if she constantly needs confirmation that she is "better", then her self-confidence is very dependent on the opinions of others. And, consequently, her self-esteem is in fact very fragile and subject to doubt. Everyone needs to feel himself in something better than others, just this woman chooses the easiest way of self-affirmation - at the expense of others. After all, when her child is "the best", it means that she is "the best mother". Do not play her game, psychologists advise. When the opponent's mom starts to show off impeccably her impeccable performance at a concert in a kindergarten last week (of course, after she expressed her sincere condolences to you that your kid was scared of the scene and stood "dead"), you should quickly congratulate her and, apologizing, retire to talk with other parents. However, there is another option: say that you are sure that her baby will certainly become a star and paparazzi will not give him a pass! The competing mother will stop showing off if she realizes that you do not take her seriously."Competing" mom will stop bragging about the achievements of her baby, as soon as she realizes that you do not take her words seriously. Be wiser and more patient. Understand that behaving like she is, is stupid, especially for an adult woman.
Of course, it is unpleasant to feel that your child is "on the bench", but also react violently to the words of the competing mother, too, is not worth it. If you are able to control your emotions, you will realize that behaving like her is stupid, especially for an adult woman. Never tell her about the achievements of your child - this will once again spur her on. Of course, you are proud that your kid has finally learned to tie his shoelaces on his own. But better share this joy with someone else.Type 2
Mom is an expert. She knows absolutely everything. And for each question she has her own, unshakable opinion. She knows exactly whether you should work or sit at home with a child, which kindergarten to choose, and also how long, how often and even more correctly to breastfeed a baby.
How to behave The inexperienced "victims" of the expert mom are trying to politely justify: "I stopped breastfeeding, because I started mastitis, and the baby remained hungry after each feeding." And this is their mistake. Such a mother is not at all interested in your opinion or your personal experience. For her, there are only two opinions: one's own and the wrong. And from you she needs only complete submission and agreement in everything. But, as is known, how many people (mothers, doctors, psychologists ...), so many opinions. The scientific notions of correctness and irregularity change almost every day. And what is important is not what is right, but what is right for you with your particular child. This is what you need to keep in mind every time that such a mother begins to criticize you. Sometimes her "omniscience" (if it is really supported by erudition) can be useful. If only her opinion is imposed, "because it is true," it is no better and no more important than your own. And nobody has the right to criticize you. Tell her that for advice on this matter, you contact a specialist, from which you can ask in all severity, and unscientific and unverified opinion does not interest you.Type 3
"Democratic" mother. Your children get along very well, but the attitude to the problems of education and views on life between you and this mother is very different. Your baby loves going to visit a "democratic" mom, since she allows you to drink soda in litters and play computer games all day long. And this despite the fact that you do not approve of this and have repeatedly asked her not to allow such liberties.
How to behave Without condemning it, try the last time to explain why you have established such rules and how they are important to you. Believe me, any parent will be upset that he sets a bad example for children. If after this conversation nothing changes, you have two choices: to follow her example and make from your house an "entertaining children's center" (with the best sweets, all kinds of toys, the latest novelties of computer games and cartoons) where children would like to spend more time; or the second option - minimize communication between your kids (only in kindergarten). Just be sure to explain to your child why you did it. Find such words, so that from the point of view of his child's logic, the baby understands that everything is done in his own interests. And that your prohibitions for unlimited time for computer games and soda drinks are not unfounded. Find good examples. Let's say you can say to the kid: "Remember, yesterday you were drinking soda, and today you have had a stomachache all morning." Or: "You late lost yesterday with Petya in the computer, and then you had a long headache and you could not fall asleep." He must understand that, not always doing what you want, you do good for yourself.Restricting the communication of your children, you will thereby give a "democratic" mom an opportunity to reflect on why you took this decision. Perhaps she will reconsider something in her behavior and understand that taking other children on her visit, she is fully responsible for them and must take into account the opinion of their own parents.
In addition, by limiting the communication of children, you will also give a "democratic" mom an opportunity to think about why it happened, because, perhaps, not only yours, but her baby will miss the time spent together. And then she, maybe, will reconsider something in her own behavior and will understand that when she accepts other children, she should bear full responsibility for them and consider the opinion of her own parents.Type 4
Unauthorized Mom. She allows her child to break the rules, because she can not or does not want to resist him. In the kindergarten or on the playground, she pretends that she does not notice how her baby beats yours. When you go with the children to the park, it allows your child to feed the ducks, while ignoring the huge prohibitory sign. "Meekly" mom sometimes even proud of the fact that she's "in the board", although in fact she does not even try to discipline her little child. She just wants to be his best friend.
How to behave Instead of paying attention to such a problem, try to find an approach to her baby. For example: "Guys, let's continue expressing our desires in words" or "The ducks will get very sick of tummies if you feed them with cookies." And yet it is better to reduce communication with such a parent. You do not have to indulge her or be like her. It seems that she is in constant uncertainty - what to do, what not to do, and therefore it is easier for her to take off responsibility for the behavior of the child or not to take it at all. But this does not mean that you should do this.Show your "unauthorized" mother - and most importantly, her children - an example of the fact that authority is necessary. Decide on her eyes the problem of the child as a mother, and not as a friend.
Show such a mother, and most importantly, to her children, an example of the fact that authority is needed and helps to live. Solve the problem of the child as a mother and not as a friend: for example, when your children fight, approach, sort out, listen to the children and settle their conflict so that they both remain satisfied and go on playing together, surprised and delighted that They showed how they can solve problems in a different way than they did before. You will teach them to be friends and show them a more adult strategy of behavior in the conflict. They (including someone else's child) will respect you and, most likely, in the next conflict they will come running to you for advice and help, ignoring the "unauthoritative" Mom. Here, then, for her there will be an occasion to think, but does she make a mistake, in all indulging her own little one.Type 5
Mom-selfish. For such a mother, there is no one but her crumbs. For example, at the puppet show in the library, children are asked to sit on the floor so that everyone can see what is happening on the stage. But when the performance begins, the "selfish" mom signals her daughter to sit on her knees in order to see everything better. And she absolutely does not care what your child can not see now.
How to behave You would feel great relief, simply pushing the mother-egoist aside. However, you will agree, this is an uncivilized method. If you behave rudely, she will consider herself entitled to be rude to you in return. Try to fight this mommy with her own weapon - learn from her that your child is also "the most important person in the world," and behave accordingly, but politely and tactfully. The rights of your child can only be protected by you. For example, say in a whisper: "Sorry for disturbing, but my daughter is sitting right behind your, be so kind, put your foot on the floor, since my nothing is visible behind you." If she ignores your request, be more rigid. Say: "I understand that you do not want to disturb your daughter during the performance, but the organizers asked that all the children sit on the floor." If she refuses, and this time, then it's pointless to ask. Transplant your child or ask the actors to move slightly. It is very important to always protect the interests of your baby.
If you have to work closely with such a mom, make sure that your children are friends - then it will be easier for her to take into account the interests of another child, to see that he is the same as her child. Try to take this feature into account and pay more attention to your baby when he is next to her baby. This is to ensure that the baby does not feel deprived of your care next to such a hyper-baking mom.Type 6
Broken Mom. She always does not have time to pick up her baby from the guests or the kindergarten on time, changing diapers right on your new sofa in the living room. Such a mother can be called scattered rather than rude and ill-bred. She constantly "hovers in the clouds" and is too involved in herself, in order to understand that her behavior is sometimes too annoying to others.
How to behave Well, after all, you do not have to be her mother. She is an adult and just like you, she is fully responsible for herself and her actions. And while her absent-mindedness does not trouble you, you can ignore her. However, it may be that her tardiness violates your plans and schedule, and constant forgetfulness deprives your children of leisure. Decide on the rules and tell her that you wait for her after the appointed time of no more than 10 minutes, and then go away. And tickets to the circus or to the performance have their own. And so on. For you the main thing is your own comfort and convenience of your child. Remember that it is difficult to rely on such a person, and take into account this specificity when planning a joint pastime.