How to make a child successful: 9 mistakes on this path

Now we are seeing a boom not just of "parenthood", but of maximum attention to children. We create the best conditions for growing up kids and do everything to make them grow successful. But often we do not realize that success is not automatically equal to happiness. Moreover, "putting" only on the success, with a high probability we will make our child deeply unhappy.

It seems to us that if we achieve something in life only, we can give the child the best. And, of course, it must match our example. What are the mistakes made by parents who have reached the heights in their careers and business, wanting their child to become successful? Consider the nine most common of them.

1. Development from the cradle

Often at the heart of the parents put early intellectual development. Wishing to put as much knowledge into the bright head as possible, they concentrate too much on the goal and its achievement. While it is the process and pleasure (both of the child and the parent) of the process of cognition of the world that are priority for the harmonious development of crumbs.

What's happening? In the first year of life we ​​take our time: we are happy with the first steps and the first words, we are ready to play a hundred times a day in "ku-ku" and sincerely smile at the same time. To two or three years of patience is not so much, the inevitable crisis of growing up "I'm on my own!" Is heating up the situation - and my mother is increasingly showing irritation. In most cases, by the time she is three years old she is already at work, and the pope is still not very "included" in the child and does not fully understand what to do with this beautiful creature. Here, various methods of early development come to the rescue. We show the kid cards, pictures, we study the figures with the help of tablets. The closer to school, the more anxiety and less time for parents to study with the child.

What we do

The main rule: play and train so that you yourself were interested. It is at the age of 4 to 9 years is very important to lay the basic social skills and actively develop the "emotional" intelligence. Choosing a method, book and even cards - choose the material that will cause you and the child the maximum emotional response. For example, if you like architecture - teach the child to count, walking along the streets of the city. Do not be afraid to talk about what you yourself are fond of!

2. Small adult

We talk with our children in an adult way, and they really are intellectually much more mature than we were at their age. But in terms of social they are, as a rule, several years younger. We often forget about this and gradually our demands for children become the same as for adults. Without even noticing, we begin not only to teach, but also to demand results.

What we do

Remember yourself at this age, your emotions - what made you happy, and what was upsetting? How important it was for you to play with your friends! And how wonderful it was to get into bed with your parents in the morning! Even at 9 years old children are still children, what can we say about 5-7-year-olds. Imagine that you are looking at yourself and your family from the outside. It's like a beautiful picture: the sun is shining, you smile, place your hands, and your child runs to you, you pick it up, circle, kiss, hug. But it will not be long before he grows up. Until this happens, enjoy his childhood.

A simple idea - "successful" is not equal to "happy" - requires the awareness of most modern parents. This does not mean that one should not strive to make a child successful. It's just that you start by not crushing the ability to be happy in it 3. Faster. Higher. Stronger.

We have five circles, and everywhere you have to be the best. We are preparing for school. We develop a comprehensive personality. At the very beginning the child may even like that he has so much to do. But gradually he begins to feel that he still wants to play. And there is no time left for the game and for yourself to occupy yourself. As a result, this skill is not formed. Therefore, when suddenly a "free hour" is suddenly cut out, a child can not devise a job for himself. The saddest thing is that Mom and Dad will not be able to help him, because they also forgot how to play.

What we do

The task of the first stage is to teach the child to learn, and not to learn. To our deep regret, today very few teachers can do this. And in a constant "race" between development circles and sections, this is impossible. Of course, I want to give my child all the best, but try to hear him too. What does he like, why, what? Observe, does he get a return on these lessons? Perhaps the daughter herself at a free moment takes paints and begins to draw, or the son comes to you with a request to "train" the blow to which he was trained, or offers to organize a family chess tournament. That means you are on the right track. Determine the closest to your child's hobbies and give up excess - give him the opportunity to find his ways.

A long wave of articles about the "Generation Y" - people of superficial impressions, that do not obey the laws of motivation that are old as the world has long gone on the Internet, are constantly running somewhere, but they do not want to work ... The next generation - still little ones - "Generation i" - in honor of the heyday of iPad-technologies that coincided with their birth. Technology is the norm for these children from birth. 4. Are we delegating?

Someone goes to work immediately after the birth of the baby, someone - a year, and someone - at three. And most often my mother is already "running" to the service: she missed communicating, on business clothes, on topics not about children. Being a modern woman and a good specialist (and even the leader), the mother delegates most of the educational tasks to the kindergarten and / or nurse. This is a fact that must be accepted. The period from three years to school sweeps past us. But this is exactly the time when our baby becomes a child. The worst thing is not even that we see very little of our children. The main thing is that at a time when we seem to be side by side and physically together with them, our thoughts are often "somewhere far away". Tired at work, parents are difficult to adjust to the regime and thinking of the child. We are happy that our baby runs to us, hugs us. But after 20 minutes, we are included in the discussion of the day or in the reworking of accumulated domestic affairs, (and possibly in unfinished workers). And we, probably, could do something with the child, but we do not always know what.

What we do

We create moments "one on one". In the life of your family should be such moments: "one on one with my mother", "one on one with Dad" and "all together." Let it be only twenty minutes a day, but at this time you will completely belong to your baby, and he to you. What are we doing? We embrace, talk about how we love, listen, and most importantly - we hear and accept it as it is. After all, we have so little time just to spend time together, to tell each other about dreams, thoughts and hopes! Be serious about children's experiences and tell about your own. It is very important to form these trust relations from the very beginning, even in the situation when you are working. Without a mechanism of trust and acceptance, it is difficult to expect that at school (and even more so in adolescence) the child will be willing to share something with you.

5. Weekends - a holiday every week

On weekends, there is more free time, so we, of course, are going to have fun with the whole family. Impressions, impressions, impressions! A kaleidoscope of impressions.

What we do

Enter the tradition - plan the weekend together. This can be done at dinner on Friday or at breakfast on Saturday. Everyone expresses his wishes. You can read the poster of city events together: what exhibitions, what events in parks, etc. Then we say all the necessary things: from buying food to cleaning the room and lessons (if the child is a schoolboy). After writing down all the proposals, we draw up a schedule. Perhaps, from some entertainment will have to give up, moving them to the next week. By acting in this way, you can teach the child the basics of planning. In addition, adults themselves at this point are much more aware of their desires and do not go "to the game zone TC" because of the feelings of guilt caused by late returns from work during the week.

6. For manual labor - a fight

Dishwasher, washing machine, and often even a housekeeper to help (about working with the land, even do not mention). Home affairs for the child practically does not remain. We rejoice that the life of our children has become easier. But several years pass, and we are already indignant: "You do not do anything, even you can not clean the dishes!". In fact, physical labor is the greatest salvation for man. At the moment when hands are working, the brain works in a different mode - digests and assimilates the information collected for the day. The increased emotionality and excitability of today's children is caused not only by the number of cartoons and computer games that are being watched, but also by elementary laziness. "Labor therapy" is the best means of forming responsibility, patience and tranquility.

What we do

We create a list of all household chores and divide it into "mothers", "dads" and "children's". For example, a child may well water the flowers, brush off the crumbs from the table, take away the toys, put down their things after the walk. And the opportunity to list "collect" products in the basket in the store, initially perceived as a reward for exemplary behavior, will gradually become a good habit.

7. We speak and invest, but we do not listen

We consider it our duty as much as possible to invest in a child. Therefore, we record it in endless circles and constantly run: we have to catch the morning "for sports", in the evening - to the theater. And most importantly - explain everything. We run and on the run just have time to give directions: put it on, do it. Simply, we always have no time, so we have to communicate just like that.

What we do

Ask the child. Give him time and the opportunity to tell. If the child speaks, just listen. Do not pour questions! It is necessary to support him, share his feelings and rejoice that we are exposed to an amazing children's world with an absolutely unique view of things. Teach your child from the earliest childhood to be aware of their feelings and experiences and talk about them - not only about the good, but about the difficult, and even unpleasant. This is something that will greatly help him in life in the future.

Take for a rule to discuss the past day for dinner. Do not be afraid to talk about the difficult and sad moments that took place to be. Awareness and pronouncing your feelings and emotions create a basis for self-confidence and strengthen relationships. 8. "MaPa"

In families where both mom and dad took place in a career and in business, standard role functions are often erased. And the child does not always have sex role models.

What we do

Happiness in the family is possible only if the relationship between all pairwise harmonious. First of all, it concerns the father and mother. We must start with ourselves. As in an airplane: "First provide the mask yourself, and then the child." We allocate time "for us two and common adult interests". Coming home, taking off your office clothes, take off all external roles. It is very important for parents to speak with each other images and expectations on behalf of a woman and a man. In these images, they should be comfortable! For example, no matter how businesswoman a woman was, at home she would be happy to become a loving mother and wife.

9. You are the best

From the youngest age, we sincerely rejoice at all the successes of our children. "Well done! You are the best! You have done so well! "- we say this often, emotionally and sincerely. Because for us our child is the best. Only at some point he will face the fact that in something he is not the best: someone jumps higher, and someone reads faster. This can lead to severe psychological trauma and to disappointment in oneself. And if this coincides with the period of school adaptation, when the rules and requirements change drastically? We, instead of supporting, we begin to demand even more, and then we are genuinely surprised: "Well, how can he not succeed? He's the best! ". At this point, we can discard it in emotional development a few years ago - and now it's starting to get worse with school exercises and tasks.

What we do

Rebuild your speech (and in fact - thinking) from the phrases "you're done!" And "you're the best!" It's extremely difficult. This requires daily work on yourself, but it is necessary if we want to help the child grow up as an independent, happy, self-sufficient person. We must start with acceptance: we must learn to accept it with all the failures, failures, strangeness. Review the children's photos and videos, remember how happy his first steps and words. But it was almost yesterday! He is still a child, the same baby. Give him time and the right to make mistakes.

Read on this topic:
  • 10 phrases from our childhood that are not worth talking to a child
  • Do not be born beautiful: how to instill this thought into a modern child
  • Do not hurry development