Baby tantrums: the taming of the shrew

The kid knocks on the floor, yells at the top of his throat, turns purple like a beet ... For children 2-4 years of hysterics - the sure way to be heard. Not all parents know how to behave during the play: to console, shout in response? So what do you need to do to stop the hysterics? 1. Give an example

Children often get furious when something does not work out for them: the pyramid is crumbling, the cake is cracked, the sand castle washed away with a wave. The kid throws toys on the floor, waving his arms, screaming. "Many parents are frightened when they see their child in such an angry state. But this need not be feared, because when we do not succeed, we are also angry. A child can not always smile and be "fluffy", just until he can cope with his anger, "explains Svetlana Klimova, a family therapist, a member of the Society of Family Consultants and Psychotherapists and the European Association of Psychotherapists. Show the kid all his appearance and tone that the disaster did not happen, and suggest: "Let's try again!" "The desired reaction can be modeled," says Elena Fisun, a family therapist, a member of the Society of Family Consultants and Psychotherapists and the European Association of Psychotherapists www. - Start building your pyramid next to the baby and pretend that it disintegrated accidentally. Sigh, say aloud: "What a pity! I tried so hard! Well, I'll try again! "The kid will understand that the feeling of vexation in this situation is experienced by everyone, and will see that it is possible to react to failures in a different way - without crying and screaming."

2. Prevent Children who are followed closely by each step will never learn to make their own decisions.

Attack of anger most often overtakes the baby at a time when his desires are at odds with reality. With this in mind, try to prevent his discontent. If you outline the situation in advance, the chances that the child will throw a tantrum will be much less. On the eve of the visit, you can say: "In the evening we will go to my grandmother, but before that you'll sleep a little." Before turning off the TV, warn: "Soon the animation session ends." Before going to the store, conduct a conversation: "Now I have no money to buy you even a chocolate bar." "You can specify the list of purchases in advance," advises Elena Fisun. - For example: "Today I can buy you one thing." If the child is forgotten and puts a typewriter, markers or cud in the basket, remind: "You must choose."

3. Do not be afraid of prying eyes

In public places the hysteria works perfectly. When a child begins to cry in front of passers-by, many parents are ready to give in. By the age of 3, the baby understands perfectly where our weak point is. "Often parents confess that at home the child is not hysterical. But if you just cross the threshold of the store, he immediately enters into the role, - says Svetlana Klimova. - In public, parents feel shame and embarrassment to others and faster on the occasion of the child. In addition, it's easier to survive at home. If you warned the baby that you can not buy anything, but he still bursts into tears, pretend that he does not notice this, and continue to do their own business. However, before you assume the mask of indifference, be sure to tell the baby that you hear him and regret that he is upset, but today the purchase is impossible. As soon as he stops crying, even for a moment, to get air into the lungs, immediately "turn on": "That's done! Let's go and choose yogurt for Grandma. "

4. Strictly adhere to the rules. Rules for children are vital. They teach the child to take into account reality, as well as the opinions and feelings of others.

A child brought up in an atmosphere of permissiveness can not learn to curb his desires. "Rules for children are vital. They teach the child to take into account the reality, as well as the opinion and feelings of others - says Elena Fisun. "The rules make life predictable and act as a sedative." The parent must first think over in which cases he can make concessions, but not as a result of hysteria, but before that. For example, if you are willing to let a kid lie in the snow, do not put it on a white jacket. The main task of parents is to remove restrictions wherever possible. "It is important to observe two principles: there should not be too many rules, and they must be inviolable and permanent," advises Svetlana Klimova. If a child knows that never and under no circumstances will he get a sweet before eating, he quickly realizes that it is useless to demand dessert at an unseasonable hour. Even if your grandmother came to visit you.

5. Pronounce his feelings

Emotions are colors. Without them, our life will fade as quickly as a photograph in the sun. The kid just does not know how these paints are called. That is why it is very important that parents comment on his feelings, both positive and negative: "You smile is joy!", "Now you are upset, and I see it." "If mom and dad do not notice or ignore the child's emotions, he receives a signal that he is not interested in them," warns Svetlana Klimova. - As a consequence, a child can form a ban on the expression of negative emotions, for example, such as aggression. But aggression is needed not only for self-defense, but also for achieving the set goals. " When a mother or father voices a child's emotions, he understands what is happening to him, and sees that it does not matter to parents that he is angry or displeased at something. But the family has rules, and the kid can not always get what he wants.

6. Pay more attention Children suffering from a lack of attention of their parents make hysterics more often than others.

When there are several children in the family, hysterics and fits of fits become a way to attract the attention of the mother, who checks the homework of the elder or breastfeeds the younger. "In this case, the child can not be ignored," says Elena Fisun. "With tears and whims, he tries to get Mom's attention, which he is sorely lacking." If an infant appears in the family, you can not tell the elder: "You're big now." The first-born should not share toys or give his younger playing ground to the younger just because he managed to be born several years earlier. Otherwise, he will begin to assert his rights. It is necessary constantly to remind the first-born that his little brother or sister still can not do anything themselves, so they need to devote more time. Parents should not deprive the first child of pleasant rituals, to which he is accustomed. If before the birth of the second child you read to him at night a fairy tale, you need to do everything to continue to do so now. And at least half an hour a day to spend with him alone. Without a mobile phone, without a TV, without a computer.

7. Follow his daily routine

Think about whether your baby was eating well today? Was he tired from a long walk? Did he sleep well at night? At the age of 4-5 years, children are very easily overexcited, and strong emotions can also cause nervous exhaustion. The more a child gets tired, the more capricious. If the hysterics become more frequent, and tearfulness has increased, it makes sense to revise the schedule for the baby. In the period of increased excitability, it is necessary to transfer the child to a sparing regimen: go to bed early, stay outdoors longer, eat on time, exclude from the menu all fatty and spicy, do not abuse sweet. "And to refuse strong feelings - to cancel a campaign to visit or to circus," Elena Fisun reminds. - And it is also necessary to remove the TV from the life of the child - this most powerful stimulus of the child's psyche. "

8. Do not scold Children, brought up in an atmosphere of permissiveness, will never learn to curb their desires.

When a kid is dissatisfied with something, his main task is to attract the attention of his parents. "To scold a child at the moment of hysteria is useless, and after - it is harmful, because the parent thereby recognizes that this method of influence has power on him," explains Svetlana Klimova. For the same reason, during an attack, you do not need to talk to the baby, instruct or lecture him. And after the scandal it is not necessary to recount his "exploits" to his grandmother or father. "At this moment, the strongest punishment for the baby is the lack of attention on the part of the parent," suggests Elena Fisun. Of course, it is not easy to portray complete indifference when a child breaks free from screaming or fumbles with a frenzy on the floor. But this, perhaps, is the only way to let the baby understand that he can not achieve the desired by hysteria.

9. To deprive the spectator

Any hysterics, like any performance, is intended for the audience. If the child at that moment is left alone, he instantly ceases to cry. "The kid continues to shout only if he knows that after 5 minutes the parents will not stand up and go to his room," explains Svetlana Klimova. "Either to calm or to scold, in other words, they will react." When the attack breaks out, the main thing is to remain indifferent, not to give vent to emotions and not get angry in response. Emphasize that you understand his feelings: "I see that you are upset, but now we will not walk. When you settle down, we can cook pizza together for the papa together "- and then leave the room. As soon as the crying ceases, go back immediately with the words: "It's great that you calmed down! Come to the kitchen, help me knead the dough! "Or" I'm so glad that you're no longer angry! Do you want to see your favorite cartoon? "

10. Praising a child more often Praise is the most powerful stimulant. The more we praise children, the better they behave

Children should receive parental attention when they behave well, and not when they throw themselves on the floor and fight in hysterics, demanding to buy another toy. "Praise the child for exemplary behavior and good deeds. Praise is the most powerful stimulant. The more we praise children, the better they behave, "- explains Svetlana Klimova. If a child without tears has managed to explain to you what he wants, underline his successes: "You said that you need, and I immediately understood you!" Or "You see how you explained everything to me!". The phrases "You're fine!" Should be avoided, because "well done" is also a label. "We need to help the child understand why it is good," comments Elena Fisun. "Not because my mother or grandmother said so, but because he already knows how to dress himself, fill the bed, catch butterflies. Every praise should be specific. This is important for the formation of healthy self-esteem. "