Authoritative conversation

Adults are convinced that they are the authority for their children. But can it be otherwise? It turns out, maybe. If you do not give your child attention and do not spend time with him, the authority will go away and will not return. We are near you

The first three years of the baby's life, parents have a huge authority in his eyes only because of the circumstances. In this period they are for him - the gods. And the little a priori considers all their actions correct. But after 3 years, the authority of the pope and mother begins to be tested for strength. Successfully "pass exams" is possible if two rules are observed. The first: with the child it is necessary to communicate at least an hour a day. And if it's impossible, then spend the weekend together. Mom is easier to maintain its credibility, because they usually spend a lot of time together. But she also needs to listen attentively to the baby and answer his questions between numerous tasks and worries. The pope, who is constantly out of the house, is more difficult to gain credibility. If he does not find time for joint games, even Mom's stories will not help, how much he works to buy toys. The second condition: the kid should be interested in the company of parents. Each member of the family will have their own ways to attract the attention of the child. Mom can read fairy tales, dad - to roll crumbs on a bicycle, grandfather - to drive to the forest for mushrooms, and grandmother - to teach to swim. It is not necessary to observe gender roles. Dad, who washes floors, is an excellent example to follow. Most importantly, the adults themselves feel comfortable in their role and do not blame each other for the lack of any skills.

Two plots

The "authoritative" adult can easily influence the child. His little one always obeys, tries to help, consults. With such a relationship, it's easy to explain "what is good and what is bad", to accustom to the regime and rules of etiquette. If the authority of the pope and his mother could not stand the test of strength, the crumb will not obey them voluntarily. He will ignore all requests, including those on whose performance his health depends. Compliance with the regime of the day will turn into a problem, the child will not want to brush his teeth or go to bed. So that he does not hurt himself, the parents in such a situation start up the tactics of "carrot and stick". And then, without threats or indulgences, a grown-up child will not even fulfill elementary rules.

Your own director

Sometimes parents hit the other extreme and begin to abuse authority. Using the child's trust, they impose their own interests and views on him. Authority imperceptibly grows into authoritarianism. Even when they become adults, the children of such fathers and mothers do not want or simply do not know how to make their own decisions. That this does not happen, it is necessary to recognize the right of the child to own opinion. To begin with, give the child the opportunity to show independence in solving some minor issue, for example, let him choose a toothbrush for himself. In the end, even if he chooses a model for adults, nothing terrible will happen. In a couple of days, he himself will refuse it, because he will not be comfortable. Gradually expand the circle of trust. And let him come up with himself what to give to his mother on his birthday, when to call a friend or from what plate there is. But if the crumb wants to still consult with his parents, be attentive to his request.

Psychologists talk about the emergence of an alarming trend: increasingly the authority for children becomes a nanny. Mom and Dad are so rarely at home and so little attention is paid to the child that he simply does not have the opportunity to assess their dignity.

Parents can help each other to gain authority from the child. Dad for this is enough to praise my mother's dinners, and my mother thank Papa for taking out the garbage and going to the store. The authority of parents will be shaken if they quarrel or argue with the child.

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