It seems that little children are afraid of everything: water, darkness, heights, doctors and policemen, small bugs and big dogs ... And most importantly, the simple recipe "do not be afraid - it's not scary at all" in such cases does not work. What can we do: kick out a "wedge with a wedge" or not pay attention to children's fears?
Fear is the natural emotion that is required for us to defend, to mobilize forces in the face of danger. It is generated by the instinct of self-preservation, and if people were not afraid, then, probably, could not survive. Therefore, the fact that the baby is afraid, there is nothing terrible. Another thing is that sometimes it starts to grow like a yeast, suppressing and subjugating the personality of a little man. Learning to control your fears and get rid of them is a very important lesson for the child on the way to managing his emotions and feelings, and parents, of course, must teach him.Factor fear
To deal with the enemy, you need to know in person. Each child's age has its own "monsters". What kind? Let's understand.
- Fears of up to a year, by and large, represent reflex reactions of babies in response to a loud sound or light, sudden changes in the position of the body, loss of balance (support), sudden approach of a large object.
- Fears of loneliness are typical for a one-year-old age (mother left one in the room), unfamiliar adults, doctors and their actions (most often jabs), unexpected sharp sounds (thunder, alarm siren, noise of low-flying aircraft).
- For children from 2 to 5 years old, fears of loneliness, darkness, confined space, water and fire, strangers (especially clowns or actors with makeup), bad dreams are typical fears.
- The senior preschool age (5-7 years) is the time of the most intense expression of fears. This is due not so much to excessive emotionality as to the child's mental development and, accordingly, to an increased understanding of the danger. The central place among all fears begins to be occupied by the fear of death. It can be manifested indirectly: through fear of attack (bandits, robbers), diseases, terrible dreams, darkness, fairy-tale characters or cartoon characters, animals, elements (storms, rainstorms, storms), natural disasters, catastrophes and even war. All these "horror movies" carry in their background anxiety, connected, albeit not directly, with the loss of parents.
- The younger school age (7-12 years) is determined for the child by a new social position - the schoolboy. Experiencing their compliance with collective standards and new rules of behavior is accompanied by fear of non-compliance with these norms. There is also a strong fear of being late or missing something, the fear of deserving blame, doing something wrong.
To begin to struggle with fear it is possible, when it is precisely known, that frightens the kid. For example, you accidentally fell under a terrible downpour with hail, lightning, water currents - and now he does not go out the door even with a slightly drizzling rain. And what if the little one is afraid of silence? How many children - so many "ways" of expressing fear. Therefore, the best benchmark is your feeling that the child behaves in some situations not quite normally.
The most common signs that the baby is scared:
- atypically strong crying or laughing;
- strong grimacing at the moment of fright or after;
- fading or, conversely, high motor and emotional activity (depending on temperament);
- requests to "take over", protect or embrace;
- unwillingness to talk about topics that frighten, deliberately avoiding certain conditions or objects;
- constant anxiety, inability to concentrate;
- sleep disorders;
- involuntary urination and bowel movement.
The next point that needs to be clarified: what was the trigger for fright? There are several main reasons for the child's development of fear.
- Sharp sound or movement, unexpected touch - any unusual situation in combination with unpreparedness of the child (fell, at night one woke up, choked, dog ran and bit, late at night loudly knocked on the door, etc.);
- Anxiety of parents. Adults, without themselves realizing it, easily nourish the child's momentary fear of words and reactions, turning it into a real fear: "For God's sake, do not touch this cat! She will also scratch her claws! "," You will not remove your toys - other children will come and take them away "," Do not stop fussing, I'll take you to the hospital - they'll make a shot from harm. "
- Depreciation of fear. Wrong and categorical "answer" of parents to the alarm ("Stop shaking - you're a boy!", "Stop crying - are you that, coward?", "Oh, laugh, what's there terrible?") Causes a backlash - baby begins to fear even more.
- Wild fantasy. Which children are more likely to fear? Emotional, sensitive and impressionable. Cute in the daylight dinosaur at night can see such a baby in the image of a frightening monster - and that's the fear of darkness and nightmares provided. There is nothing abnormal in this. Simply the development of the emotional sphere in the child outstrips the development of logic and thinking, and it is difficult for him to distinguish between the real and the fictitious. Therefore, the more incomprehensible and disturbing images he draws from life (including from television programs and the Internet), the more opportunities for imagination work.
Situations when the crumb can be frightened - a million. Out of the bushes, a bicyclist unexpectedly drove out right in front of his nose; grabbed a hot mug and burned; he was drinking water during bathing; I saw a living Santa Claus and burst into tears, without telling the poem I learned ... It is important to react correctly to the first child's fright in order to mitigate its consequences and prevent the consolidation of fear.
1) First actions
- Do not blame, do not be embarrassed or ridiculed (many parents begin to do this out of a feeling of embarrassment towards others because of their own children, if it happens in a public place) - in this case, the fear is increased by the resentment that the closest and most loved people of it not understood;
- take him to the side, hug, say that everything is good, wait until the little one settles down;
- ask what happened, what exactly scared, and if the answer follows - listen carefully and observe the reaction. If over time the child begins to show interest in what is happening around, you can return to the interrupted occupation. When the baby does not calm down, it is better to leave the "scene of the accident".
2) A plan for the future
- Do not say that being afraid is bad. Avoid remarks like "do not be afraid", "do not be so small", "big ones are not afraid" - such phrases do not help to overcome fear, but drive it deeper. As a result, the child begins to not just be afraid of something (darkness, water, loneliness), but also afraid to tell someone about his fear;
- not to remember the incident just like that, on occasion ("Look, there's a hill with which you fell last week." Do you remember how frightened then? ") and do not talk about the child's reaction to other people when he is nearby (" Our something , it turns out that he is afraid of butterflies - so roared when he sat down on his shoulder, Yes, Seryozha? ");
- Do not appeal to gender differences ("A boy must be brave and have nothing to fear, otherwise he is a coward and a crybaby"). All children, both girls and boys, have the right to fear;
- to get rid of fears gradually. If the acute reaction repeats itself, try to cope with the fear with the help of one's own imagination and art techniques (drawing, modeling, skazkoterapii, etc.) or seek help from a child psychologist. Fear has an interesting feature: if it is "released into reality", then it will weaken or disappear altogether. "Put on" fear in words, in drawing, in hand-craft - it will immediately become "real", and the child will feel control over it. The kid is afraid of the hospital and the "white coats"? Take the medical case and lose the visit to the clinic. In horror runs away from the vacuum cleaner swallowing everything and everything? Buy a toy unit - let them take it away in their own room. Is he afraid of monsters under the bed? Adopt the rules of the game and "talk" with the monster, and the terms of the "arrangements" that have been made are stated to the baby.
One of the best ways to fight fears is to prevent their occurrence. Carry out preventive measures is not so difficult. How should you behave to an adult?
- Do not be scared. Understand your fears so that you do not need to recharge your baby. For example, many babies begin to fear insects, watching the reaction of adults to a passing osou or a crawling spider. Do not lose self-control, and comment on the episode in a calm voice, literally dropping to the children's level (that is, squatting, so that the baby can see your face and hear the voice well). Say, "Oh, what a little spider - probably he saw us, got scared and now runs to his house" - or, if it's dark: "Wow, the light turned off, and while we wait for electricity to be returned, we'll light it up a magic candle and we'll tell funny stories. "
- Do not use fear for "educational" purposes, scaring and intimidating the child ("If you do not come right now, I'll leave and leave you alone"). At an early age in this way, it is easy to do just one thing - to bring up the habit of being afraid of everything.
- Do not freak out. Control that the child reads, watches, listens to what electronic games are playing. External, often very negative information background greatly affects the child's psyche, repeatedly raising the level of anxiety. On the contrary, it is favorably influenced by hikes for cultural events, walks, acquaintance with different people.
- Do not escalate the situation. Fear is afraid of a smile, laughter and jokes, so you can simply ridicule various anxious moments by removing tension.
Very often parents confuse the concepts of fear and phobia. Fear is a reaction to a real or imagined threat that occurs when the object collides (at home, on the street, in a picture, in a cartoon, in a dream). A typical example of the manifestation of fear: the kid saw a large spider in the shop window of the pet shop, told his mother, "Look, how big, probably, it painfully bites. Let's not go to this store? ".
Phobia is a hypertrophied fear, useless and unreasonable, exciting completely. How does it manifest itself? The child, seeing in the showcase of a spider, not only refused to go, but asked his mother to bypass the store and during the return journey only talked about the spider. Arriving home, took out a "weapon" against spiders, at night demanded to be there and see if there were spiders in the bed, and waking up in the morning, refused to go to the garden on the street where he first saw in the showcase of a spider.
Fear of a child can develop into a phobia, if:
- it constantly focuses attention;
- there is a constant collision with the object of fear;
- at moments of fright there is no support (words, hugs, presence);
- development and formation of fear occurs against the background of negative changes (divorce of parents, death of a loved one).
The most common childish phobias are fear of darkness, pain, thunder and lightning, animals and insects. Phobic fears are almost impossible to overcome without the help of a specialist. Ignore the problem in no case it is impossible, because in time it can only worsen!Children's neuroses and obsessions: treat or re-educate Ten recipes from children's hysterics 5 reasons to give your baby milk every day