The children's party is in full swing, and the little guests call each other offensive words and throw toys. A day, joyful for all, threatens to be spoiled. In such a situation, not every parent will be able to quickly settle the conflict.
According to psychologists, children's conflicts are normal, even if they occur on a holiday. Demonstrating each other's "teeth", our children learn not only to defend their interests, but also to make decisions, find compromises, and show flexibility in communication. As one wise old father remarked: "They need to learn to build relationships with people, including bad ones." Therefore, parents should not always interfere in children's quarrels. As a rule, boys and girls at the age of 5 years are able to figure out who is right and who is to blame. Contrary to the anxiety of moms, children get great! Much better than us, "characters" from the side. But is it possible to start the process of resolving a child conflict in its own right, when you have a holiday? The party will be remembered by the children for a long time. It is not excluded that they will not forget this day, already becoming adults. In addition, on holidays, little princes and princesses even count on the help of their parents: they do not want to make concessions themselves, but if they make it up, that's quite another matter. Let's talk about how, in a noisy holiday atmosphere, help the children calm down and come to an agreement again.Why do they quarrel
Classics of child psychology Boris Zhiznevsky and Yakov Kolominsky drew attention to the fact that children's conflict develops, as a rule, for one of the following reasons:
- broken game
- did not share toys;
- do not agree with who performs which roles;
- did not agree on how the plot of the game should develop.
For babies, conflicts are more likely to occur over the "sharing of property", for boys and older girls - because of who gets more rights in collective fun. However, the life experience of mothers shows that among the causes for children's conflicts there is also an extensive category of "other": "Who is older?"; "This boy has pecked me"; "He drew a crocodile on my hand"; "This girl scares me, that her mother is a policeman"; "She pokes my finger in the back, and I do not reach her pigtail to pull." However, children's conflict can occur simply because children are hungry, tired or overexcited. Regardless of why the quarrel broke out, the holiday is so good that all misunderstandings can easily be settled in the game.Method 1. "Secret" Corner
Moms, who often receive guests, know: when the conflict is starting, it is better to divert the disputants aside. After all, our children, when they find out the relationship, like to play in public. In silence, it is easier for them to calm down and begin to think more or less intelligently. The zone where we "secret", should meet simple requirements: a calming environment, coziness, order, fresh air. Have the children take turns telling what happened. Warn that the word will be given to everyone and interrupting each other is impossible. When discussing the conflict with small disputants, use the method of active listening, which was suggested by the psychologist and experienced mother Julia Gippenreiter in the book "Communicate with the child. How?". All that the boy or girl says, in your own words, in affirmative form. Then specify if you understood the narrator correctly. Be sure to say aloud the feelings and emotions that, according to your assumptions, each participant in the conflict is experiencing. Build a dialogue with each child in this way:
Child: Anya plays wrong.
You: You do not like the way Anya plays.
Child: Yes, she always runs to another room.
You: You want to play together in this room.Often, according to Julia Gippenreiter, it is enough for a child to be listened to and understood. Seeing the sincere participation of an adult, often both wranglers are already quite ready to drink a cup of "conciliatory" Morse. Method 2. Royal arrangement
If the conflicting parties are still resenting each other, we proceed to the next step. Children really like to imagine themselves as characters in their favorite stories and cartoons. Give them this opportunity. Before you begin the reconciling game, tell the "secret" story: long ago kings of different countries met and conducted wise conversations among themselves to prevent war. Each of the rulers reported on what concessions he was willing to go for peace and asked for something valuable in return. For example, one monarch gave a gift of sweet fruit and sweets to another, and the latter in turn allowed him to freely travel through the territory of his state. Invite the children to present themselves as two kings or queens. You can put them on the heads of paper crowns, and in hand give a miniature candle in the shape of a candle. Let each of the children express, under what conditions he is ready to "make peace".
We record each, even the most incredible, sentence on the card. Next, the cards are mixed and we suggest that the wrestlers be pulled out one at a time. We discuss each proposal. We are looking for a way to change it so that both sides win. Found a solution that suits both? You can draw up a "diplomatic nonaggression pact" in the form of a letter or a drawing. Also, invite small warriors to eat on the brotherhood of the juicy apple. This is an axiom: any fruit is much tastier if you have it together.Method 3. Home theater
What can I do if I can not lure children into a secret place? Or there is no quiet place in the house, because the number of guests per square meter is off scale? In this case, try to turn the reconciliation scene into an exciting action, in which all the guests will participate. Tell the children an entertaining story, and let them play it out in a cast.
The plot will not have to be invented for a long time: fairy-tale heroes, which arouse sympathy among the majority of guests, for example "smeshariki", quarreled. Let the conflict of fairy-tale heroes occur approximately on the same occasion as your disputants. Assign a role to each child. The game will be interesting, if some of the children will depict inanimate objects: a tree, a table, a mirror, etc. You, the lead and director in one person, direct the actors: "Nyusha was so offended by Losyasha that she had to run around seven times around the table to calm down ... Kopatych hid behind a tree ...". Finishing the game, tell us that the fairy-tale heroes became so sad in separation that they could not stand it and reconciled.what can not be done What not to do at the party: 1. Scream at children. 2. To seriously find out who is right and who is to blame. 3. To complain to the parents of the guests about the "bad" behavior of their sons and daughters. 4. Demand that the "guilty" necessarily apologize. Method 4: Accounts
Another quick and effective way to reconcile the debaters at the holiday is counting. The rules of the game are determined according to the situation. For example, the one for whom the lot fell, first gets the right to participate in the contest. However, the second child should not be deprived of it in any way. In exchange, appoint him, for example, to the honorary "position" of the facilitator's assistant. Give preference to counters, which children, most likely, do not know. By the way, the fashion for folklore is changing. Many babies do not know counters that were popular in the childhood of parents, including those familiar to many adults: "Aty-baht, soldiers were walking", "Dora-dora-tomato" or "Ene-ben-slave".Method 5. Game "Yes and More"
Start with your children to write an adventure story. Ask the disputants to imagine as if they were together in a strange place: on an uninhabited island, in a princess's castle, on a spaceship or inside a fairy tale. Start talking about this, for example, like this: "Olya and Lena were together on a distant planet Jupiter." The children's task is to add one sentence to the story, beginning with the words: "Yes, and more ...". Let the little "bully" well fantasize about what they will do if they are alone with each other. You can declare an incentive prize to someone who comes up with more ideas. A similar game, by the way, is often practiced in adult training on team building.Method 6. Turning victory into a prize
The quarrel can be turned into a game: who wins the competition, he gets what caused the quarrel. Contests for this purpose are better to choose quiet. Organize, for example, a tournament for table games: "walkers", lotto, dominoes. Involve all the guests. Let them compete in teams. It is likely that children will be carried away by the new competition in such a way that they will simply forget about the quarrel.Method 7. Hints about the upcoming competitions
Even the most irreconcilable debaters will easily be distracted from finding out the relationship if something interesting happens next. You have, for sure, prepared not yet one fun contest? Excellent! Start in front of the children to prepare the next game. For example, if the program includes a ribbon with prizes to be cut with scissors, hang it in the room right now. Or put a colorful props in mind for the next game that you have planned. Warn the children that only those who know how to "live together" will participate in the contest.Children's quarrel: the rules of the game Holiday for a little ballerina Analyzes for the risk of preterm labor