Psychology of "edible" relationships

Proper nutrition in childhood is the basis of health. And not only physical. Through eating, many habits, character traits and attitude to life are formed. Hence, we must take this issue even more seriously. Take care not only about fats, proteins and vitamins, but also about the psychology of nutrition.

Why, when talking about communication with people, we so often resort to food terminology? We say that we do not digest some of our acquaintances or that we were forced to swallow the insult? What kind of aggressive man was ready to eat us with all the giblets and that we are fed up with his antics? What is our baby so sweet, that "so it would eat"? Probably, because food is our first love and the first experience of interaction with the world. It is through it that a person establishes a connection with the surrounding reality and with himself. It is through it that it shapes its consumption habits in the broadest sense.

There are to live ... confidently

The first relationship with food is also the first close contact with another person. Of course, the infant does not realize himself separately from the mother, during the feeding they become practically a single whole. But it is the mother (or rather her breasts) that becomes the world for the child, it is on it that he "judges" whether it is good in the world or not.

The well-known Austrian psychologist of the last century, the founder of child psychoanalysis Melanie Klein believed that the behavior of the mother during feeding determines the development in the first year of life, and denoted maternal qualities as "good breasts" and "bad breasts". Good - one that gives warmth, care, peace and, of course, enough milk. Bad - the one that frustrates the child, makes you worry.

At present, no one, even opponents of psychoanalysis, has any doubts about the importance of feeding a child on demand, and not on a schedule. Attachments to the chest at any time already in many ways provide a sense of confidence to the baby. But it matters both the environment and the mood of the mother. Foreign affairs, conversations interfere, make the child nervous, force to fight for your attention.

Many mothers notice that even the smallest children begin to eat restlessly, intermittently ("as if someone takes"), if strangers come into the room. Even if these outsiders are actually close. "My mother-in-law loves to give advice - she is the mother of three children. But I did not expect that the advice will be on feeding. As soon as he sees that I'm going to feed, he immediately follows us. I find this situation uncomfortable - I do not want to be bare with it. But besides this, the child obviously does not like her presence. He begins to twist his head, loses his chest, eats a little, and then asks again. Hints did not help, and I just shut the door from the inside. My mother-in-law, of course, was offended, but the feeding began to pass much more calmly. "

The same conditions must be observed if the child is on artificial feeding. He still has to have a "good breast", even if he is eating from a bottle. Attention only to the child, physical contact, a comfortable place and privacy - these rules must be observed during each feeding. In addition, you must part with a sense of guilt - if you have it - and generally with all the negative emotions about feeding. Of course, breast milk is useful. But you can be a good mom and give your child everything he needs, even if you do not breastfeed. Emotional comfort is also an important condition for development. And it's in your hands.

Dances with tambourines

Mom - in carnival glasses and a fur hat, grandmother - in panama and with a toy airplane in her hands. People who have a child older than a year will not be surprised by such a scene. They all have to dress like that from time to time. For breakfast, lunch or dinner. Of course, in one suit the business is not limited. We need more theatrical abilities in order to play the "Oh, what's out there that flies over the window" in time and very convincingly, and a good knowledge of literature: "... Little Red Riding Hood understood that the wolf wants to take away her pies and quickly ate them ... And another soup ... And compote. " Everything - the child is fed. All are free until dinner. It is interesting that many people criticize this method of feeding, especially those who do not take the most active part in raising a child.

However, almost everyone comes to him, being one on one with a child and a bowl of soup. And in this there is nothing terrible. Young children can not concentrate on food enough time. Distracting the child, we actually make the food process more interesting. After all, you will agree, and we are more delicious and entertaining in the restaurant atmosphere, with beautiful music and pleasant interlocutors. However, it should be borne in mind that capturing is not the same as compelling. If the main goal is to "shove" everything on the plate, then very soon any entertainment at the table of the child will cause only negative emotions.

Children of any age have the right not to want something. Of course, they can be forced, but only to the detriment of them themselves. Harm will be not only for the digestive system, but also for the character. People are weak-willed, who can not understand what they want, can not make decisions, just from those who have been taught to eat, what they give. Moreover, the attitude towards children in everything is similar. If mum forces to eat up to the last spoon, it, most likely, as is uncompromising and in a choice of games, entertainments, employment. Give freedom in terms of food. The older the child, the more freedom. The three-year-old does not need any more tales or persuasions. He can understand for himself what he wants and how much.

At the family table

"When I was little, we did not have to eat long. And in general, with food was strictly - everything was in a certain order, it was impossible to violate. Parents themselves spoke only when necessary, and my brother and I were not allowed. "Are you well fed? March from behind the table "- such a phrase almost always ended for us, children, lunches and dinners. But in her husband's family everything is exactly the opposite. If there is time, lunch can last for an hour or two. Everyone is sitting, talking, discussing matters, joking with children. My dad would say this about "Time to lose," but I really like it. In my family, I will do just that. "

We eat in order to live, not live to eat. This, of course, is true - in the sense that food is the physiological need of living organisms, and that one should not eat too much. But this does not mean at all that food needs to be given as little attention as possible, to simplify the process of food intake as much as possible (and to call it that way). In this case, we will lose the emotional component of nutrition, and it is also very important. Buying food, cooking food, table setting, collecting all members of the family - the time it takes a lot. But it can not be called wasted. After all, it helps to strengthen relations, create a special family community. Of course, because of employment, few can afford such long dinners every day. But arranging them at least on weekends is simply necessary.

"When I eat, I'm deaf and dumb." This slogan is also correct and useful. For example, when it comes to a pioneer camp or a group of kindergartens. By the way, it was for children's institutions that he was invented to avoid noise. But this does not mean that at home, in the family, it is necessary to accustom a child to a concentrated silence while eating. After all, in fact, communication does not worsen either appetite or digestion. Rather, on the contrary - it helps, because pleasant conversation improves the mood, and positive emotions have a beneficial effect on the person as a whole. In general, we change the slogan. "When I eat, I say!" To any pleasant and quiet topics that do not cause anybody to protest. On topics that obviously can not lead to conflict or offend anyone. On topics that everyone is clear and interesting. And let the children also be participants in such drinking conversations. In addition to positive emotions, they will also acquire the rules of communication culture at the table. It is very easy to show the child how to use a napkin and a knife. The rules of conversation can not be explained. It is necessary to see, hear and feel.

About food healthy and not very

Every person has his own eating habits. Someone does not like to eat hot dishes, preferring sandwiches in front of the TV. Someone can not live without a chocolate in moments of stress. Most of these preferences are also formed in childhood, through the examples and advice of parents. At the same time, a value attitude to nutrition in general, human food behavior, is laid. Even the attitude to one's own body is also laid through food. People who are often dissatisfied with their bodies during adulthood, consider themselves full, can remember that they often heard criticism in their address as a child. Or not criticism, but just evaluation. "It so happened that from 5 to 8 years I grew up with my cousin Lena. Adults always worried that Lena is not eating well and that she is very thin because of this. Always put her to me as an example: "Look, what Olya is plump, it's nice to see." Of course, it was not pleasant for me, of course. I even felt awkward at the table, when everyone was just discussing how much I ate and how much Lena. It's unclear why - in fact, we even wore clothes of the same size. Now we have our families and our children. I weigh about 30 kilograms less than her, but I still feel plump. And she is quite happy with herself. "

Children of different ages have different concerns about remarks about their weight and their nutrition. But in all this can cause eating disorders. A preschooler can eat secretly to avoid making comments at a table, in a child older this behavior of the parents can lead to a refusal to eat at all. Children's doctors all over the world note that such diseases as anorexia (complete refusal to eat) and bulimia (neurotic desire to eat large amounts of food with subsequent purification of the stomach vomiting or laxative) are rapidly getting younger. This is due to the fact that girls are too early to talk about the importance of appearance, a good figure. Parents too obsessively instill the principles of healthy eating, although sometimes they understand it in a very peculiar way. Raw food, vegetarianism - it is possible, in itself, it's all good, but if children are attracted to this violently (or because parents simply do not want to prepare separate dishes for each person), then they are unlikely to benefit from it. Rather, there will be a sense of resentment and inferiority (especially since it is easy to understand that food is also different). Will this type of nutrition help the child improve? Of course not.

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